This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
