please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
