Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
