I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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