I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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