I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
