so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to calm my uterus...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize