My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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