omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
