well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I didn't notice because vodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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