she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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