I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize