He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
