Do you still have your period?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
