i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Four minutes until I can fart!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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