If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Welp...herpes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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