Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
