ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
