theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
