She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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