On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
