Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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