someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
