dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize