So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
