I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
