I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
