at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
