She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im part way to drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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