there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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