sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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