Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
