You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize