i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
