He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
