dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
