You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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