went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
