never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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