Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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