Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
