don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
