I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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