Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
