before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
