He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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