I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
