3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
