My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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