I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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