I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
