when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
