Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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