about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize