i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
