By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
