Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
