I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
