bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
