I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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