Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
