I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
