The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
