she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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