margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
