It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
