it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
