Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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