martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
