I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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