I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
