That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
