Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
