Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
