Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
