I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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