I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
