The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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