dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just google imaged poop.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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