I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
