Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
