she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
