I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
