I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize