Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
