you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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