Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
