how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
